OK, out of courtesy for any non UK readers (and even some of the saner people in the UK that didn’t splash out) This week’s column is a review of that usually hideous of beasts, the UK only PPV - in this case : Insurrextion.
Insurrextion kicked off with a still image of Freddie Blassie and an “in memory” dedication - a nice touch and one that be expanded upon later. Following that, comes the usual jazzy WWE intro video spiel, with your supposedly inspiring monologue and shots of all the Insurrextion players : Kevin Nash, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Ric Flair, Chris Jericho, Scott Steiner, Eric Bischoff and Steve Austin. No Goldberg, though - you think he’s not here?
First match and it’s a Women’s title match : Jazz and Teddy Long in the UK... damn, I love Long’s mic work. The gimmick kinda reeks, but he at least makes it watchable. Ya feel me, playa? Pretty much an extended version of every other match that Trish and Jazz have had - couple of dodgy looking spots, but I guess jet lag has a hand in this - Trish of course works in her new “Matrix” dodge, which we’ll be seeing for the next year or so...
When I say extended, I mean extended - it’s a theme that most of the matches of the night would follow - nearly every match was pushing the 10 minute mark, bar Steiner’s - which let’s face it, is a good idea.
Obviously, Jazz wins, because nothing interesting involving important titles (i.e. anything above European level) ever happens at the UK shows, and Crazy Victoria makes her presence felt, distracting the referee long enough for Teddy to throw (or try to anyway) Trish through the turnbuckle into the ringpost allowing Jazz to get the roll up for the pin.
Just a word about the videos that air before every match that has a bit of story to it - the WWE are churning out some great videos at the moment - how long before we get a show just made up entirely of video packages? Oh wait, we already have Sunday Night Heat before a PPV...
The next match was a bit of strange one. Booker and Christian going at it for the Intercontinental title, fair enough, but it was totally one sided. Booker looked like a million bucks (seeing as we’re in the UK, should that be a million quid?) and Christian was bumping around like a pinball for him. Don’t see the point in making your IC champion look like that - I’d be surprised if this is how the match at Bad Blood goes down.
Bit of a bad bump from Booker - trying to crotch himself on the top rope while doing his jumpy sidekick thing, he sort of messed up and went flying to the floor instead. He was fine, but it looked terrible, on TV anyway. Booker treated the crowd to a mid-match spineroonie as well. Wow! Christian took the win in the end (natch) - Booker rolled him up, Christian rolled through, grabbed the ropes, and he lives to fight again another day.
Suddenly we go backstage! Did you know, the hallways and locker room doors in Newcastle look EXACTLY the same as the ones in America and Canada? I know, stunned me too! Teddy is coming out of Jazz’s dressing room - better not let Rodney hear that - and bumps into our beer drinking co-GM (incidentally, JR never used the “America’s favourite beer drinker” line once tonight) and a Teddy gets booked into a 6 man tag match with Nowinksi & Mack against The Dudleys, but not before Austin insults him and his wardrobe : “Nice suit - must have cost at least 19.95 in a thrift store” - BURN!
Austin turns round and the Big Red Drunk Driver stands staring at him. Austin asks if he has a problem, and Kane walks away. Probably to try and find a crate of Newcastle Brown Ale.
The crowd then get treated to a short promo from La Resistance in the ring, greeted by a chant of “We Hate Frenchies” - nice little touch for European relations there. Not too bad a match - Grenier and Dupree didn’t look as green as they normally do, and RVD had the arena on it’s toes - a nifty spot where he did a standing moonsault onto Dupree and switched straight into a Rolling Thunder on Grenier looked damned cool, actually.
Ross and Lawler concentrated on the effects that Austin’s “motivation” of Kane on Raw might have on him - you know, maybe they should have done this kind of thing to Jeff Hardy. Not motivated him, just beat the crap out of him... but I digress. The NEW angry Kane chokeslammed both of La Resistance - at the same time, bah gawd - and RVD hit the customary 5 star photo opportunity frog splash to keep the belts on the champions.
OK - the next match? Goldust vs. Rico - you don’t want to know about. Good enough match, solid, but really - not a lot happening here, folks. Most exciting part was undoubtedly the interview before hand between Goldust and Al Snow. Rico looked pretty good, Goldust got the crowd going, but the finisher was a powerslam. A freakin’ POWERSLAM. There’s a finisher to get the crowd going... The crowd were mostly concerned with taunting Earl Hebner with “You Screwed Bret” chants.
JR & Lawler briefly talked about Freddie Blassie, and the video tribute from Smackdown aired. The arena started chanting “Freddie! Freddie!” and roundly applauded the memory of him - Ross & Lawler stood up at the desk, and in turn, applauded the crowd. A classy touch from the Newcastle crowd, I thought.
In the meantime, no expense had been spared setting up Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel... well, if you count a red carpet and “two cheap ass bar stools from the Irish pub down the road” (Jericho’s words, not mine) as no expense. Jericho and his ripping on the Newcastle crowd was my personal highlight of the show - the guy is nothing short of phenomenal when allowed to run riot on the mic.
He told the crowd they had no culture, and he was glad they lost the City Of Culture 2008 to Liverpool (touchy subject in Newcastle) and that he wasn’t a loser like Bobby Robson (manager of Newcastle United FC, for those few footy non believers out there) and ripped on one guy holding a Jericho Sucks sign. He introduced Eric Bischoff and the two continued to rip on the crowd before Austin interrupted.
Austin led the crowd on how to count to 20 pints (what he had to drink last night, apparently - and I wouldn’t doubt it) and really looked like he was having a ball. For the record, Austin does NOT look right without his denim shorts, knee braces and boots - Austin in trainers? Something not right about that. Austin changed the night’s main event of Nash vs. Trips to a street fight while he was in the ring too... see? he did have a reason for being there.
After about 10 minutes without a beer, Austin decided that was enough and called for a beer bash. Jericho somehow got the crowd to say “doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy doo” much to Austin’s amusement, and the beer drinking began... and Jericho got stunnered. Bischoff looked worried, before Austin reminded him that he couldn’t touch him... in the US. Being in the UK, a stunner was dispensed, Austin drank more beers and everyone was happy.
Cut backstage to Triple H and Ric Flair bemoaning the fact that it’s not fair, and how Trips is the man - you know, pretty much the same promo Trips has been cutting for the past year.
Now, to anyone who’s not familiar with the Dudleys would watch the next match and wonder which team was called “Tables” - as all the way through the match, all you could hear was “We Want Tables” - memo to Vince : have the Dudleys wrestle a guy called Tables and he’ll be the most over guy ever!
Pretty much your standard Dudleys tag match, we had the Flip, Flop & Fly from Bubba, the Wasssup! Drop from D-Von, and the usual “little guy goes mad and beats his chest” antics of Spike. Nowinski and Mack could have been anyone, really. Say what you like about the Dudleys, but their act goes over great live. Poor old Teddy copped a clothesline from Rodney after Spike cheated and ducked, and Teddy’s wrestling career got off to a losing start as Spike pinned him - another example of whitey holding him down, I guess.
Now obviously, the heated Steiner & Test feud requires a special guest referee for their match - and forget speculation about people like Terry Funk, Mick Foley, Jesse Ventura - we’re talking A-Level talent here. None other than Val Venis!
After Stacy introduces the two competitors, making sure to pile the heel heat on Test we kicked off the shortest match of the night. The interaction between Stacy & Test seemed to take precedence over the in-ring action, probably for the best with these, right enough. Steiner got the win with his version of Kanyon’s flatliner, which, credit where it’s due - looked damn good. Just over 6 minutes for Steiner tonight.
Cue the video showing us the Bad Blood (get it?) between Nash and Trips, not to mention HBK and Naitch - and the main event is on us. HBK gets his entrance to a big pop - Nash next, and a sort of polite “oh you’re famous” pop - Trips gets his entrance... but no Flair? No entrance for Flair??? What, he’s just Trips little lap dog now and doesn’t get his own music? No way on Earth should Ric Flair EVER walk down that ramp without the music - it just ain’t right!
As for the match, well, it was a lot better than the Judgment Day debacle - mainly because HBK and Flair were heavily involved through the match. Flair pulled a HUGE blade job out of the drawer, dying his hair red within the first 3 minutes of the match. Nash & Trips actually put some effort in too - after HBK and Flair brawled their way backstage for a while, Trips and Nash managed to brawl all the way up to the announce table and back down again - that’s a fair way for Nash to walk these days, y’know...
So, Flair and HBK run back down, Flair gets Sweet Chin Music, HBK takes a pedigree, Trips gets Jacknifed (I refuse to call what Nash does a powerbomb) and the ref gets bumped in the process. Of course, Trips gets a shot in with his trusty Sledgehammer Of Doom and Nash drops out like a light, and Trips escape the UK with his title intact, and the PPV goes off air with a shot of both Naitch and Trips bleeding. Nice.
Usually, the UK shows range from “crap” to “very crap” but this one was a lot better than the normal dross we get served up. Granted at times, it felt like a trial for Bad Blood, and at 2½ hours, it wasn’t quite as long as your normal PPVs but hey, you can’t have everything. No stand out matches on this one, but the Highlight Reel was one of the funniest and most surreal moments you’ll ever see on WWE television.
All in all one of the better UK PPVs and a good sign for Bad Blood. Speaking of Bad Blood, I’ll be back at the end of the week with the usual attempts at Bad Blood predictions... Until then, have fun, go mad.
