Still, we all know that by now, so let’s get into this thing - I’ll start by picking through the ashes of my predictions, and wouldn’t you know? 7 and 2 for me - a year best performance, methinks. Not enough to become SmashWrestling King of Predictamania, but hey - next month will do for me...
Onto the actual show... looking at the line-up before hand on paper, I didn’t hold out much hope, but that seems to have been the norm for the last few PPVs so I’m kinda used to it by now. In time honoured tradition, I’m going to start with the bad so that I can end on a good note...
Mr. America and Roddy Piper... all I shall say is thank Funk that I had drank a couple of beers - that made me hungry enough to remain in the kitchen for the entire duration of this match. Sadly, I can still see the TV from there, so not a total respite. If Vince really thinks that these two fossils are what people want to see, then maybe it’s time for him to retire, or me to stop watching. Let’s not get too into this horrible, HORRIBLE match and just ignore it.
But, here’s the deal - everyone expected it to be bad, because, let’s face it - they’re not young guys. Sorry to be age-ist, but it’s true - old folk = not good match. Let’s skip too the Raw World Clique Party Title match and Triple H (supposedly “The Game” and the top guy according to Bradshaw) and Kevin Nash. Kevin Nash, the company’s great white hope, and #1 contender for GOD knows why.
These guys, Trips especially, are supposed to be on the top of the business. No. Not even close. Nash looked exhausted after he ran out to meet Trips in the aisle, and Trips was more concerned with making his ol’ buddy look as if he did know where he was than actually doing anything notable. Hey, criticise Trips for many things, but his loyalty to friends is beyond reproach.
Michaels and Flair ejected in less than a minute? What was the point of having them come out at all? To get an appearance fee? Flair got a nice pop from his hometown, but really, what a waste.
Look, Vince, I know you read this (!) so here’s the deal - get the belt away from Trips, away from the Clique’s mucky little mitts, I don’t care if he’s doing your daughter - he and his cronies are killing your company, not with backstage politics, your average fan doesn’t give a damn about that. They are killing it with the kind of crap we saw last night. You seriously expect people to give a damn about the company when THAT match is supposed to be the best that the WWE has to offer?
Look down the card - Booker T, Chris Jericho, Rob Van Dam, hell, at the moment even the Hurricane - they deserve the title more, the fans are more into them, they can produce it in the ring - Booker T vs. Chris Jericho for the World Title excites me more just thinking about it for 5 seconds than 3 months of Trips vs. Nash has. Even Goldbore vs. Christian has been more entertaining than anything Trips has done this year. Get it sorted, or you’re going down - this is WCW style suicide.
Apologies for that rant, but hey, it needs to be said. One nice thing to say about the match - the powerbomb through the table was kinda funky, but only for a couple of seconds.
La Resistance... dearie me - they are SO not ready for PPV that it hurts to watch. When Test is the top man in the match, then there’s something seriously wrong. Don’t get me wrong, great gimmick, and fine on TV in little 3 minute squashes... but in a long match? No. Split Test and Steiner if it’s ever going to happen and let’s just move on. The teased split is now so old that nobody cares - everyone can see it coming.
Torrie & Sable? Nice boobs, shame about the waste of time and space that this was. Put it out on a DVD and get the 12-16 year old male demographic that you’re shooting for to buy it, me, I‘ll take a Cruiserweight match instead, thanks.
That’s the bad over with, let’s get on to the so-so, the indifferent, the average...
Opening match - great way to start off, poor way to execute it. I see now that Spanky may have been injured during the match, which might explain for the abruptness of the finish - Rhyno never tagged in, if I remember rightly - but if that was the actual finish, then really, what’s the point? less than 6 minutes? Cena’s entrance got more airtime! Still, what there was of it was pretty cool - still like to see a Cena vs. Spanky one-on-one match come out of it...
The Intercontinental Title Battle Royal...well, yeah, fair enough - give it to Christian, about time he got a little push - but the overbooked finish was just soul destroying. Speaking of soul destroying, was there really any point in poor Lance Storm being sent out there at all? Give the guy a break, that’s just plain disrespectful in my opinion.
Anyone hear the chants for Goldbore during Christian’s celebration? Yep, why not send him out, Gore... sorry, Spear the hell out of Christian, and have him set the ref straight about the confusion? Gets Goldbore over as a face, and adds more fuel to the Christian / Goldbore feud, unless that’s now going to be forgotten about... which is likely, knowing the WWE and their forward planning at the moment.
The Women’s match was not to bad - quite the spot fest actually, and Trish - man, did that last bump look painful - how she wasn’t knocked out cold on that is beyond me - that’s a tough lady. We all knew Jackie was there just to be pinfall fodder for the eventual winner, and she fulfilled that role perfectly. Nothing great, but didn’t leave a bad taste in your mouth.
Which leaves us with the good... and amazingly, Brock and the Show come under this category - the second time they’ve amazed me and put on a good match. While it wasn’t quite as brutal as we’d been led to believe, a lot of the spots were nice and innovative - and credit to the Show for taking a couple of big bumps, the bump from the apron to the stretcher in particular - we can presume his heat has been worked off in part at least now.
The final minute or so of the match was pretty damned spectacular - the dive off the fork lift, and Brock’s explosion into action popped the crowd nicely to end on a high, and Brock’s strength continues to amaze me - a vertical suplex followed straight away by a sort of F5 takes some doing... the improvised forklift stretcher was a nice little finish, reminiscent of Stone Cold and his love of anything with an engine?
But the build-up, and match of the night for me - the Smackdown tag match. Tajiri as Eddie’s partner was a surprise to me, but a welcome one - especially with his adoption of the Guerrero family motto. Quick word for Tazz who was great on commentary, pointing out that only Eddie was a ladder match veteran - made sense when it was Eddie that climbed the ladder in the end to take the belts.
The match was a great showcase for all four men - some of the ladder spots were nice and innovative, and more important, safe. I loved the return of Tajiri’s mist, especially as the deciding factor in the match at the end. Eddie worked his little socks off, and fully earned his pay for the night - the slingshot senton onto a Haas / ladder sandwich and the sunset powerbomb off the ladder - and showed why he’s rated so highly by a lot of people, myself included.
So, let’s look at the show - 2 good matches, 3 OK matches, and the rest that really isn’t fit to show on Heat, let alone on PPV. Conclusion : highlight of the night was undoubtedly... Thunder. Sorry, wrestlers - but it’s true - it’s damn true...
Until next time, have fun, go mad.
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