Anyway, remember last year when a source came through for me and got a copy of DDP’s personal and private diary for one week? Well, seems as though diaries are out, but the same source pulled out a stonker again, and gave me the address for Chris Jericho’s online weblog, or ‘blog’ if you will. As you all know (allegedly) blogs are supposed to be for the person that writes them, but as happens oh so often these days, this one’s going public. Since I discovered it, it’s been moved, but before it did, I copied down this - sadly there were no dates, so I don’t know when it is, but it’s fairly recent...
Monday
Yeeeeeeah, baby! Live TV! Alllright, momma! Gotta say, this is the part of the job that I love the most, being on live TV in front of all those Jerichoholics. It’s not an act, you know, they really do all love me. And you know why? Because I’m King of The World, Baaaaaaay-bee! The arena’s great, and my locker room is superb - it’s got glass in the roof so I can work on my tan - Mr. Helmsley (he insists I call him that as an in-joke) says it’s not the only glass ceiling that I’ll see tonight, but I’m not sure what he means... never mind. Mr. H is good to me, he always makes sure that I get some TV time when he has a new insult or move to try out.
So, I come out and the crowd go wild, almost as wild as a Fozzy crowd - Mr. H says some funny things and I try to get a smart remark back in, but I don’t get time as we have to cut to an ad break. So I go backstage and watch the monitors until it’s time for my match. There’s a lot of Mr. H on this show, but he’s so popular (he keeps telling us) that it’s OK. I’m tagging up with Mr. H, but we lose, after I get hit accidentally by Mr. H and his sledgehammer. I think I’m stood in the wrong place as I get hit really hard.
I drive back home as I have a couple of days off and I watch a tape of the show, and I think that Mr. H was right, I was stood in the wrong place. Never mind, as he says, I’ll know better next time. I spend a lot of the day asleep at home, as my back hurts a lot where I got hit. I give the band a call and tell them I have some spare time, and they all kid on that it’s a pain in the ass to come up to the studio and work with me, but that’s just Fozzy. Man, it’s great to be a huuuuuuge Rock Star!
If I was still using the Internet, I’d be really upset at some of the things that are being said about Mr. H - he tells me all the time that people say he’s a bad man and he’s doing things to make himself look good, and I don’t believe that people can think that! I mean look at when I lost at Wrestlemania this year - it’s tradition that the belt changes hands at Wrestlemania.
Stephanie even told me that the only reason I didn’t get the new undisputed belt was because they knew I wanted to hold up the old WWF belt - that’s the kind of nice things that the people here do for me. Even when I was on Smackdown, Mr H asked if I could jump over to Raw so he could look out for me - I heard he told Vince he wanted to keep a close eye on me. See how good he is for my career?
Anyway, I go to the studios and we rehearse a couple of tracks for the next album - the band sound great, and my singing is stronger than ever - they have to put my voice through a computer to calm it down, it’s so strong. That’s why I sounded so different on Raw, they said - my voice was too strong for the mic they used. We’re gonna be big anyday soon, I can feel it!
My last day off before we hit the road, and I go into town to check out the music stores to see how the Fozzy record is doing - I’m amazed to see that no stores have it! That’s great news! We’re sold out! Man, I may even have to tone down my wrestling, like The Rock has done. I’m sure they would give me some time off, especially as Mr H keeps saying that I don’t deserve to be on TV as much as I am.
I watch Smackdown tonight, and it was OK. I don’t understand how people keep telling me it’s better than Raw, sure, it has some great matches on it, but it doesn’t have the unique chemistry that Mr. H and I have on-screen. Why else would they take me, the King Of The World, off Smackdown and put me on Raw? But it’s a good show, and you can see that they’ve used some of Stephanie’s ideas that we couldn’t fit onto Raw, or that’s what Mr. H says anyway.
Back on the house show tour tonight, and I have to catch an early morning plane for this one. The stewardess tries to ignore me, no matter how many times I ring for her. I can’t decide if she’s a fan of me in the ring, or my music, but it’s all good either way - that’s what makes me King Of The Worrrrrrrrrld, baby yeah!
I arrive at the arena, and check my match. I’m usually near the top of the card, but tonight I’m in the middle. I go to find someone and ask why. Can’t find any agents, but Mr. H sees me and says that I’m in the middle of the card to give it a boost and show the guys at the bottom of the card that they’re not that far from being huuuuuuuuge stars like he is. I think he meant to say me as well, but he has a lot on his mind, and he probably forgot.
I go out and I have a great match. I always do. It’s hard not to when you’re as good as me, baaaaaaybee! Me and Shelton Benjamin tear the house down, hell, he’s even booked to get the win over me, but it’s alright, he looked like a million bucks after I put him over. It’s nice to help other people up the ladder. Mr H says that’s what he did for me with all those matches he beat me in, and he’s right!
Another town, another house show. I drive on my own, because I need my space. None of the other guys question it either, because they respect me so much. Reminds me, I must speak to Jerry Lawler about him using that King gimmick... kinda off-putting when I am the King Of The World, you know?
Anyway, house show tonight, and I’m back in the main event, this time against Mr. H - he says he doesn’t feel too good, and he knows I can be relied on. Man, see how trusted and respected I am? The match turns out to be a quick finish, one kick and pedigree from Mr. H, and I’m pinned. It feels good to help out the company, and do things right. It sets a good example for everyone else. I heard Mr. H say the same thing, that he was going to make an example of me.
Sign some autographs outside the arena... well, one. Even then, the kid was so awe-struck that I have to literally chase him and scrawl my name on the back of his jacket. Luckily, he remembered I’m a heel, so he was calling me all sorts of names... kayfabe is important, people, remember that!
One more town, one more house show. I’m not working on this one at all, just coming out to speak to the crowd. It’s my job to make sure they understand where to buy the shirts and merchandise. This is an important job, as it’s extra revenue for the company, and keeps them in business in the long run. Mr H expressly asked that I be given this very responsible spot at the start of the night. He says it’s what I deserve.
I’m honoured. I go out and I crack jokes and make the crowd laugh. Well, I didn’t think I cracked any jokes, but the crowd were laughing at me, so I must be subconsciously funny without even realising it, and once again, it’s because I’m King Of The World! Yeah! Wooooooo! After the show I go to the stalls and ask how I did - they said that loads of people were here while I was talking. It’s nice to know I do a good job.
So, tomorrow it’s the start of another week, and another live Raw, I can’t wait to find out what I’m doing on this one. Mr. H said he has some good ideas for me, so I look forward to it. Maybe one day, he’ll make me so popular that I can get a win over him, you never know! It’s great to be King.
Until next time, have fun, go mad.
