As it is this time of festive cheer, I thought I’d copy every other column writer... ahem, I mean spontaneously decide to dish out a few Christmas presents of my own to the people in the wrestling industry, and Billy Gunn as well.
For Vince McMahon, a name change of the WWF. Henceforth, it shall be called, The World McMahon Federation. Vince is determined to make sure he comes across on TV as evil... sorry, that should read Eeeee-vil. Every where you look, there’s an evil grin, a scheming plot or a devious nature. Vince, you’re a bad man - we get it. Now can we have our main event back, please?
For Road Dogg, a new watch. His old one seems to be stuck at 4:20.
For Billy Gunn, I would give a gift voucher to a wrestling school... any wrestling school. Having watched his ‘performances’ since his return, he could do with it. Either that or a one way ticket to Ohio, or anywhere that isn’t on WWF Television.
For Goldberg, I would give him a special bed that allows him to sleep standing up... why? because he never lays down for anyone. Oh, the jokes don’t get any better just because it’s Christmas you know. If I can be serious here, Goldberg is the Hogan of the new millennium. He absolutely will not job for anyone unless he gets something out of it. He had problems agreeing to job to Booker, when he was the World Champion. Ego check for Bill...
Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit, they both get the same thing - a main event match on any WWF Pay per view. They both have the talent to do it, they both draw enough heat from the fans to cover it, and their matches so far in the WWF have been great, so why not? Because the almighty Vince says not, that’s why. Benoit has main evented already, and has proven that he can handle it, Jericho has had his hands on the title, and the crowd lapped it up! Yet still they stay buried in the mid card... why?
Paul Heyman gets a TV deal and a cash injection for ECW. The hard work that he’s put into that promotion, he deserves no less. Maybe if they get some cash, they can move out of his Mum’s basement finally...
Mideon gets... some heat! Even just one cheer. Come on it’s Christmas... helps the needy. Remember, a Mideon is for life, not just for Christmas.
The one and only William Regal gets a jolly big helping of Christmas pud and brandy butter, followed by a 3 hour highlights video of “The Queen’s Speech” for him to watch over and over to his heart’s content.
Tazz gets an extra foot of height to make him viable in the ring in today’s WWF. The guy is as good as anyone on the mic, and knows his way around the ring as well, yet because he’s 4 feet 2 (with his hands in the air) he’s stuck commentating and working on Metal and Jakked. Heightism is wrong... push the small bloke now!
And for me? I want more of the TAKA & Funaki dubbed voices angle... currently my favourite thing on TV. Just give me that and I’ll be a happy man.
Merry Christmas to you all! Until next time, Have fun, go mad.
