World Tag Team Championship
Lance Storm & William Regal (c) vs. RVD & Kane
Well, what have we here... a tag team match with Storm & Regal on PPV. Isn’t this a treat and a half! People, let me tell you, if I could watch one tag team in the WWE, it sure wouldn’t be Storm & Regal. But here we are, pushed mercilessly down our throats, and up against the “superteam” of Kane & RVD.
RVD is too over for this, Kane’s blown his overness so many times it’s not even funny anymore, Regal should be banned from wrestling and just allowed to talk. Storm is the only one that seems to be in the right place. Having said that, a Lance vs. RVD feud and series of matches would be cool. Seems to me that a Kane heel turn is on the books (again) as he can’t stay face or heel for too long.
What better way to set up a Kane vs. RVD WrestleMania match than have Kane go full on psycho heel and smoke (pardon the pun) RVD? Keeps the belts on the current favourite team in the WWE too. Oh yeah, this match, will be dull. Duller than Josh Matthews discussing the economics of Bulgaria in the 19th century. Yes - that dull.
Winners : Lance Storm & William Regal
Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho
My dear, dear Andrew Martin... every time he looks like he’s on the brink of something big, he screws it up. Not cutting his hair... taking a day off to frolic in the snow with Stacy... how come his behind the scenes trials and tribulations are more interesting than anything that has happened to him on screen since 1999? Still, pulling him from the PPV to replace him with another known latecomer seems a bit pointless.
I think that what sunk Test was the fact that Tazz, Josh Matthews and Michael Cole drove for 10 hours to get to the Smackdown tapings, making Test look REALLY bad. Still, that must have been an interesting car journey :
Josh "There’s white stuff on the ground everywhere - I think it might be snow!"
Cole "What does this mean for THE ROCK?????"
Tazz "AAAAAAAAAAH hahahahaha MC"
But I digress... Jeff Hardy... on PPV? In a singles match? For once, Jericho goes into this as favourite. The self-confessed King Of The World really has no reason to lose here, and a stiff beatdown, drawing the ire of Jeff’s “mentor” HBK sets up the WrestleMania match...
Winner : Chris Jericho
Cruiserweight Championship
Billy Kidman (c) vs. Matt Hardy... version one
Look, why not just have done with it and give the Cruiserweight title to a cardboard cutout? The cutout has twice the personality, and probably could hit the Shooting Star Press better.
Hopefully this will be the end of the Kidman non-era and the beginning of the Era of Mattitude. I have this idea that Matt will take the belt from Kidman, and somewhere along the line, Shannon Moore will finally see the light and turn his back on the teachings of Mattitude to go after the Cruiser weight title for himself, setting up a nice little feud that should draw some nice heat for everyone involved.
Hopefully, the Kidman factor won’t make this match too boring, if it’s as good as the Kidman vs. Noble match that was on Velocity a few weeks ago, that’ll do for me.
Winner : Matt Hardy, version one
The Undertaker vs. The Big Show
Sandwich match. Next. Don’t care who wins. Really, I don’t. And to think I complained about Torrie vs. Dawn Marie...
Winner : Taker
Six Man Tag Team Match
Kurt Angle, Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas vs. Chris Benoit, Edge & Brock Lesnar
Here’s the killer match on the card for my money - even allowing for the fact that Rhyno might have to replace Edge. Hell, that might even make it better - Rhyno has been much missed around these parts... As it stands, this match is just a further bit of fuel added on to the smouldering bonfire that is the WrestleMania main event. My, that sounded almost like a proper piece of writing... I won’t let it happen again.
Look for Angle and Lesnar to avoid each other for most of the match, I would say, but this will be a hell of a match - Benjamin and Haas will show what they are made of in this one, and we all know what Benoit is capable of, even with a torn bicep muscle. Hold on to your seats for this one folks, it’s going to be a slobberknocker... sorry, it’s Smackdown... a rocketbuster.
If I was booking this one (and with some of the booking decisions recently, I couldn’t do any worse) I would have Angle take the dodgy win over Brock, setting up the “courageous face overcomes tremendous odds to defeat the cheating heel” angle that always comes round at WrestleMania time - so that’s my prediction - Team Angle to win.
Winner : Team Angle
World Heavyweight Championship
Triple H (c) vs. Scott Steiner
Just in case you didn’t get a big enough sandwich during the Undertaker match, here’s another chance to make that snack you know you want. After last month’s farce of a match, you have to think that Steiner has been doing some cardio work so he can at least work for longer than 5 minutes without his tongue dragging on the floor. Kinda puts a mockery to his claims of keeping his freaks happy all night long, but I’m not going there! Hell no!
The newly engaged Triple H rolls into this one with another injury problem, and a stable to back him up, who undoubtedly will be at ringside or thereabouts to lend some “input” into the situation.
I really don’t see Steiner being given the belt in the run-in to WrestleMania, especially after his deplorable performance at the last PPV, which can mean only one thing - yet ANOTHER predictable Triple H victory on PPV. As I said, don’t expect this to be anything more than yet another train wreck of a match, complete with interference galore from the “Evolution”.
Winner : Triple H
The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan
Does anyone else find it weird that Hogan, of all people, is having a go at The Rock for selling out and becoming “Hollywood” when he still calls himself Hollywood Hulk Hogan? Yeah, thought that was weird myself... but anyway. Rock is back being a heel by all accounts, and despise the guy and his thoughts on company loyalty or not, he’s a DAMN good heel.
Which is good, because Hogan is always a good face, and after WrestleMania last year, he seems to have a following in Canada now... no doubt Hulkamania will run wild again, hopefully on a shorter run than last time.
As for the match, Rock and Hogan laid out a passable match last year, and no doubt this will be the same - planned to the last detail, and devoid of any spontaneity. Hey, that’s not a bad thing, I was just saying, that’s all. I would think that Rock would win this one - no reason other than I can’t see him being built up for a big return then losing his glorious comeback.
Ignore the actual match and just soak in the crowd atmosphere - this one is gonna blow the roof off the place.
Winner: The Rock
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff
What a cheek! This ain’t no match! Pretty smart giving Austin someone who he isn’t expected to have a great match with straight out of the blocks - no high expectations, no pressure... plus there’s the history between the two men that intrigues... will someone flip and turn this into a shoot match?
But at the end of the day, it’s just an excuse to get Austin back on PPV, hit a few stunners, drink a few beers (or beer substitute, anyway) and maybe, just maybe cut a swerve angle on everyone and jump to Smackdown... who knows? Whatever happens, Austin is walking out of this with his arm raised.
Winner : Stone Cold Steve Austin
So, on paper it doesn’t look like a promising show, but the six man tag match should be damn good, and the Austin return and Rock vs. Hogan rematch should all provide some great moments from the crowd, which is what it’s all about at the end of the day - how much the crowd, or the viewer at home enjoys what’s happening in the ring...
Until next time, have fun, go mad.
