Now, your loveable, cuddly, friendly, favourite columnist named Tony is usually a cheery person. Usually. I usually like to maintain a positive outlook, and try and focus on the bright side of the world in general, and specifically the little area we know and love called “Wrestling”. Sometimes, you get a little kick in the face, and you need to rant. You need to vent. You need to go on a blood-letting rampage and let nothing and nobody get off the hook. Today is one of those days.
If you are a cheery person, and don’t like people writing about what annoys them, then peeps, I’ll do you a favour - stop reading here, and I’ll see you next week when normal service will be resumed. Anyone who stays, I’ll presume is an evil little so-and-so and loves to read about things and people getting panned for no other reason than the author is in a bad mood. Good.
Let me first get one thing straight - people I may have a go at, I readily accept that they are doing something I couldn’t. They are actually wrestling and trying to entertain, and hopefully in their mind, doing their level best to do a good job, and my hat goes off to them. From my point of view, I’m just a lazy, good for nothing fan with a keyboard who has watched wrestling for over 15 years, and by now, I have a rough idea of what I like, so please, don’t email me with “huh! like to see you do any better” - heard it aaaaaaaaall before, and it wasn’t big, clever or original the first time! With that, let’s get into it.
Kevin Bloody Nash - much as the guy is cool - and for some inexplicable reason, he is - let’s try and be gentle about this... he’s pretty much done in the ring now. His knees look to be those of a 60 year old man, as opposed to just a 40 year old. People bought him as a legit title contender going by a poll ran on SmashWrestling.com, but I have to say - I never saw it. His return to the WWE has been very poor. Raw was better last week for his absence, to be honest.
The guy’s strong point is his mic work, but when he’s booked to be a babyface, that strong point is nullified. Nash is at his best as a cocky, wisecracking heel that has an answer for everything... so why not let the guy do what he’s good at? Instead we get Nash, who can barely move, stumbling around inside Hell In A Cell with a special guest referee who’s been retired for 3 years is STILL able to take a better bump than he is!
The spot with Triple H and the steel stair where Nash was supposed to do a drop toe hold looked horrendous - we all know wrestling is pre-determined, and to an extent choreographed - but do we need Trips running about with stairs held above his head while he waits for Nash to go down in instalments and hit a basic move? I bet even Maven could do a drop toe hold better than Nash, and that, my friends - is a bad situation.
Raw’s booking committee - just a simple note to whoever the hell is in charge of booking Raw (this week, anyway) - Mae Young is old - we get it! The minute Austin said he would pick the “pie” at Bad Blood, it was blatantly obvious that Mae was going to be wheeled out AGAIN - and on PPV! Then we get the shambles on Raw, with Test hitting her with the Meltdown - So that makes test evil now, right? But Austin stunnered her on PPV, but he’s cool... I see. If you’re gonna make Mae take silly bumps for a woman (or indeed man) of that age, then at least be consistent about it!
The Dudleys made a name for themselves by throwing Mae all over the place - it’s been done, it’s old news now - get over it, and move on. Instead of writing in Mae, how about putting those collective brains to use and coming up with something decent for The Hurricane, Tommy Dreamer, Steven Richards, Goldust, Lance Storm, or any one of the midcard workers that are currently being wasted? Is that too much to ask? And the writers have the nerve to have Lance Storm mocked on air as being boring...
Mr. America - PLEASE give it a rest now. It was funny for a couple of weeks, but it’s now being overplayed. I’m sick and tired of seeing McMahon screaming at Hogan, Hogan trying not to be Hogan, and Zach doing whatever it is that they’re doing with Zach... enough already! Put and end to this storyline and put me out of my misery. Hogan’s name is still big enough to mean something if he was being used the right way - to put the younger guys over, say for example, Sean O’Haire...
But, noooooooooo - Hogan has to be involved with a pointless Vince / Sable / Stephanie / Zach Gowen storyline that eats up both TV time AND my will to live. What is the payoff of this feud going to be? McMahon unmasks Hogan? Hogan beats McMahon and earns the right to comeback as Hogan? Zach actually gets treated with a little dignity, instead of being showcased like a circus freak? Y’know, who really cares... I’ll just continue fast-forwarding past that bit on Smackdown
All the members of the anti-Trips brigade - if you’re gonna hate the guy, hate him for the right reason - that what he’s done in the ring and on the mic this year has been a shadow of what we know he’s capable of - hating him because he’s using his position to help his friends’ out, and (allegedly) keep down the people he doesn’t like... any one of you would do the same if you had the chance, me included, so don’t come out with the holier-than-thou attitude about him doing it.
I feel better. I have expunged the rage... I feel cleansed. And it wasn’t too bad... hopefully. That should be me for a few months now - until next time, have fun, go mad.
