Smash Wrestling: Smashing it up

Vengeance 2003
Preview

Well, hello. It’s PPV weekend, and that means only one thing! Yes! Sausages for dinner! Erm... actually, ignore that part - although they are exceedingly good sausages - it means it’s time for me to make a fool of myself, cunningly disguised as my Vengeance Predictions.

With no further ado, and little amount of trepidation, let’s get stuck into things with :

The First Ever APA Invitational

Includes The APA, Rhyno, Sean O'Haire, Kanyon, Spanky, Doink The Clown, The Brooklyn Brawler, The FBI, A-Train and various other jobbers of ill repute. I see a Dr. Tom Pritchard column on WWE.com where he says that they should extend an invite to Michael PS Hayes to enter the brawl - and hell, why not? At least he had a career of some distinction unlike the Brooklyn Brawler. I mean, what’s The Brooklyn Brawler ever done bar lay down on command... but I’d better not get into his relationship with Pat Patterson.

But as for the match, does anyone actually know the rules to this? Is it going to be in a bar? Is it in the ring? Is alcohol involved? Who knows? I feel that you could legitimately ask “who cares” - not I. The APA bore me now. Sorry, Shibby Scotty, but it’s true. Ron Simmons usefulness these days extends to stiff spinebusters and uttering “DAMN” at any given opportunity, Bradshaw... well, he’s Bradshaw, let’s just leave it there. Any match revolving around or involving the APA is likely to be sucktacular. As for a winner? I’ll say more in hope than in anything else Sean O’Haire.

Winner : Sean O’Haire

Indecent Proposal Match:
Jamie Noble vs. Billy Gunn w/ Torrie Wilson

Oh look, it’s another “let’s give a woman away” match. Stacy Keibler was on the line a few weeks back between Scott Steiner and Test. I didn’t like it then, I don’t like it now. Add to the fact that it’s Torrie and Billy Gunn involved, and I like it even less. The only bright spot about this is that it gets Jamie Noooooooble Boy back on PPV.

Hopefully Noble can live up to his “Ric Flair of the Cruiserweights” tag and at least carry this one to “watchable”. I will watch this, it’s by no means sandwich worthy, but I may have to hurl all manner of rude names at the television. And you know what? I’m going to enjoy doing it! YEAH! Anyway, I see Noble taking the win here, purely so Vince can ring the “sleep with Torrie on Smackdown” angle for every ratings point it’s worth.

Winner : Jamie Noooooooooble, Boy

Stephanie McMahon vs. Sable

Why, why, why... WHY must we suffer this? And on this PPV too! UK peeps have to pay extra for it, and it’s got piffle like this on the card? Pah! And they have the cheek to put the prices up too. But I digress. So, Stephanie is a general manager, and her assistant don’t get along, so they allow them to have a match on PPV? Yet, Austin and Bischoff aren’t allowed to fight.

Double standards! Hypocrisy! Oh wait, Vince is involved, he thinks that’s a compliment... anyway, I don’t really see anything good coming of this - Sable was an OK worker in her day, and Steph had a good match with Trish many moons ago - but this ain’t gonna be a classic. I hereby proclaim this one the Sandwich Match of the night - The concoction for tonight shall be - ham, cheese slice, tomato and Worcester sauce with a hint of salty and pepper, lightly toasted. As for the “match”, Steph to win... well, because she’s Steph.

Winner : Stephanie McMahon

Vince McMahon vs. Zach Gowen

Part Two of the McMahon double bill, and also Part Two of the “I don’t give a monkey’s uncle” double bill.. Zach makes his PPV debut, and to be honest, once he has, his gigs up. Credit to Zach Gowen, he’s genuinely come through a lot in his life, and if anyone in the WWE is an inspiration it’s him... but he’s only there for a cheap pop, a bit of publicity and for Vince to make a quick buck.

The match will probably be bearable, as Vince’s matches are usually scripted out to the letter and are booked to perfection. And a winner? Well, I don’t see much point in building up the Zachster then jobbing him out first time. And it gives Vince the perfect argument for the people that don’t feel comfortable putting a one legged wrestler over - “I did it”

Winner : Zach Gowen

WWE Tag Team Championship
Rey Mysterio & Billy Kidman vs. World's Greatest Tag Team

Ahhhh, more like it. Now we’re into the good stuff. Rey and Kidman. The last WCW Cruiserweight Tag Team Champions. Rey dispensing enough charisma to make Kidman seem interesting. OK, that might be going too far, but you get the drift. Haas and Benjamin are damned good, but not the World’s Greatest - that honour right now, in the US anyway, goes to America’s Most Wanted.

But I’m rambling again. If this match is allowed to develop a little, and I see no reason why not, then this could be very good indeed. Of course, the impending heel turn of Kidman that even a blind man (steady, say no more about a blind man, or Vince will hire one) can see it coming is hanging over the match. I don’t see it happening at Vengeance, but this match could be the catalyst for it. Look for some Kidman/Rey confusion to give the win to Haas & Benjamin.

Winners : The World’s Greatest Tag Team

U.S. Title Tournament Finals
Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Hubba hubba... Folks, here we go. Hand your money over for THIS match alone. Yes, I know I moaned earlier about paying, but this makes it all worthwhile. Two of the greatest wrestlers, not just in the WWE, not just in the world, but EVER going at it on PPV, hopefully with 20 minutes to play with.

These two can put on a truly great match, one that will be talked about for years - a match like Benoit vs. Angle at this year’s Rumble, for example. Let’s just hope they get allowed the time to do it. I would think that Eddie could earn himself the US title here, and give us a couple of rematches - maybe a ladder match at Summerslam? Oh yes. That’ll do for me.

Winner : Eddie Guerrero

Undertaker vs. John Cena

The old vs. the new - Cena is the future of Smackdown, and as soon as he turns face, he’s going to be huge. His heel work is awesome, and that’s the problem - people are dying him to turn face so they can cheer him. Undertaker’s new role as figurehead and crowd pleaser seems to suit him, and to be fair, he’s by no means the greatest wrestler on Smackdown, but he’s not the worst either.

I don’t expect a lot from this match - no disrespect to anyone involved, but Taker’s had more on his mind this week than planning out a match for PPV. I fully expect Cena to get DQd and give Taker the win here, and continue the feud across to Summerslam - I usually complain about DQ finishes, but here, it makes sense. These two need another month to settle their differences.

Winner : Undertaker by DQ

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship
Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle vs. Big Show

And so we begin the Road To Summerslam with a Triple Threat match that really has only one purpose - to keep Lesnar vs. Angle part II until Summerslam. Don’t get me wrong, I think The Show has earned his right to be here - since he jumped to Smackdown, he’s been on probably the best roll of his WWE career - he got pinned by Zach Gowen and it never phased him.

Show is at his best when he can let other people carry the pace of a match - and a triple threat match is a good environment for that. Expect Angle and Lesnar to double team Show a good few times and leave the big man laying while we get a mat display from those two. I would also expect Brock to keep his title, with Angle somehow being forced out of the picture, setting up a heel turn for Kurt or Brock, depending on how it’s done. Whatever happens, Brock is winning, and Show is getting pinned.

Winner : Brock Lesnar

So there we go - the first Smackdown only brand PPV, and it’s got a mix of the good, the bad and the downright ugly. Benoit vs. Guerrero is worth buying it for alone, to be honest, anything else is a bonus. As long as Steph vs. Sable and Zach vs. Vince is kept fairly short, then things should be OK. This being the WWE, I fear both those matches getting 20 minutes at least. Ho hum. Enjoy the show, and I’ll see you on Monday for the round up. Until then, have fun, go mad.

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