Mtank News Network (MTNN)
Smash's news served up at it's finest... which pretty much sucks"
January 11, 2004
Edition v1.5

Tonight on the MTNN :

- Most of Australia is gone; Mormons and Void rejoice
- Brother of Destruction Proclaims Turkeys are "kinda crap"
- SCF Postponed or Laziness of Druken Boozer?
- The Race for 10,000; Who will Spam first?
- Guns A-go-go in the General Section; The Shaft of the Rulez
- Top 10 Quotes of the Week
- Member Spotlight: Drummk

Mtank: Good evening, I'm MTNN anchorman Mtank325 reporting in. Due to slight encouragement from Smash members, the MTNN is now a weekly report on every Sunday. Yes, you are all screwed now.

In top news today, there is a possiblity that most of Australia will no longer exist. Yes the pro-marsupial, British prison colony may just be shut down by SmashWrestling.com's Forums. Yes, we are that powerful. In a future move to deter further action, top Staff officials are planning to shut down most of Australia in hopes of preventing any further activity from banned member and all-around 'wanker' Shannon Moore. The Staff of Smash feels confident that this is a smart move and assures everyone that they can make their own boom-a-rangs or purchase them from TheGroovyCompany.com (Available in 2006). Administrators were not available for comment.

Mtank: In other news, top British member, Brother of Destruction, was recently interviewed by the main anchorman here at MTNN on his opinions on turkeys. Brother of Destruction had this to say:

"Well they taste nice, are kinda crap as animals go, & they frequently referee football games in the premiership."
- Brother of Destruction

Mtank: Pro-Turkeymen are shocked at BOD's last comments and are suing BOD for his specist remarks and anti-Turkey opinions. No court date has been set.

Mtank: In sporting news, we go to temporary Sports reporter and SCF Concessions Worker, Tommyllama.

Tommyllama: Thank you Mtank, in rather non-shocking news this weekend the Smash Football league, the SCF has been temporarily suspended. Both games of the SCF were not played and pushed to next week.

Mtank: Has the SCF released any statements on why the league is currently under suspension?

Tommyllama: No, but this reporter is guessing SCF President/Manager was most likely just being lazy and was using the temporary suspension just as an excuse. Sort've how like all of your games just happened to disappear in the E-Fed/Games Section.

Mtank: Like I said folks, he’s temporary. We'd like to hear your opinions about the SCF in our weekly poll. Why do you think the SCF is temporarily suspended? Go to our poll section, which is above this report and submit your vote now.

Mtank: Moving on in news, we go to another temporary MTNN reporter, Crippin for our coverage on the race to 10,000-02 in 2004.

Crippin: Thank you Mtank, the race continues to see which Smash member will follow in the drunken footsteps urinated into placed by Smash's very own relic, EdgeRulez. Currently, RVDSucka leads the polls with 52% of the votes with the Fonz in a close second with 25%.

The Race for 10,000-02 in 2004 RVDSucka - 194 Posts to Go
Hef - 584 Posts to Go
The Fonz - 650 Posts to Go
Big Dave - 1,008 Posts to Go
Jmac - 1,099 Posts to Go
Mr. Torrie Wilson - 1,462 Posts to Go
Inno - 1,791 Posts to Go
Raw is Jericho - 1,936 Posts to Go

Crippin: As you can see, RVDSucka is currently dominating the competition with less then 200 posts to go until he reaches the big 1000-o. With Hef only showing signs of life here and there, theFonz is the second best candidate for taking this spamtastic position. MTNN would like to salute these members for their spamtacular accomplishments. Back to you Mtank.

Mtank: In our next report, we take a look at the community of Smash as we go in-depth in the General Section to unravel the vicious debate on guns.

"I don't have one because I don't need one. :roll: And I have a penis."
- Dannyboy

It started off as a man and his penis. It escalated into a full retort of why women don't have penises and then it just erupted like a volcano. Yes, the gun debate has once again fueled the sewage system of Smash with liquid nitrogen and it hasn't been pretty.

The gun debate has ravaged Smash’s virgin lands for some time. It started from the debate between early ramblings of the primitive Smash members Bigbossman and Chyna, and has always been like a chick in a tanning booth, HOT.

What about this time around? Most Smash members are denying their attraction for stroking the silver shaft of their well-cleaned definition of manhood. But one man isn't. That man is EdgeRulez.

He was the most unlikely person. Most were expecting recently turned-Liberal Phenom to own the fray and teach all of us bitches a lesson. But instead, EdgeRulez decided to pick up the rope and run with it. And yes, he is Canadian, which makes it the strangest thing of all. (Smash's Canadian Population = 12.8%; No verification on this)

The MTNN decided to talk with this bold man and get his opinions on his silver-stroking habit in a mock interview. Yes, these were actual quotes taken from Rulez:

Mtank: I'm glad you decided to talk with us, Mr. Rulez.
EdgeRulez: "Whoa whoa whoa, back your ass up there a little bit big guy."
Mtank: Oh sorry, I'm all up in this recent trend whereas us guys pull our pants down really low and show off our whitey-tighteys.
EdgeRulez: "Didnt think you could come up with a date."
Mtank: What? No no, *cough* I'm waiting for that perfect girl. I'm not just throwing myself on every woman I see. But you see this is about you, this has nothing to do with me.
EdgeRulez: "Sory Chump, that came out a bit rude when no rudeness was intended."
Mtank: Uhm... You call me a chump and then you apologize? Are you being sarcastic with me here?
EdgeRulez: "Are they dangerous?"
Mtank: Who?
EdgeRulez: "Farmers"
Mtank: Uh...
EdgeRulez: "You obivously have no clue what it is like to be a farmer or what a farmers life over here is like."
Mtank: I can't say I do...
EdgeRulez: "And you better get your facts straight before slaming people."
Mtank: I'm not slamming the farmers.
EdgeRulez: "Guns do not kill people. People kill people."
Mtank: Are you threatening me?
EdgeRulez: "I do beleive that if you use a gun in a crimal matter, IE holdup, kidnapping, mugging ect it should be an automatic"
Mtank: Uh... I think this concludes this interview, Thank you EdgeRulez for uhm... talking with us.