Mtank News Network (MTNN)
"The Only February 29th Issue, EVER”
February 29, 2004
Edition v2.1
- Weekly Happenings
- Disturbing Pingu Issues
- What if…
- Top Ten Quotes
Mtank: Good evening. I’m MTNN anchorman, Mtank325. Tonight is a rather slow night for news as we start off with Hef for our “Weekly Happenings” report, Hef.
Hef: Thank you, Mtank. The last week has been short of events as in previous weeks. We start off with the rants of two individuals. Smoke Daddy found out that life isn’t all clean underwear like most children like to believe. There are foul things in the world that soil our underpants, but in the long run I believe S-Daddy will learn the hard lesson we all eventually stumble upon. Boxers are the way to go. In the other rant, theFonz renounced his faith in religion after going through some tough times. It happens to the best of us. Tough times, I mean.
In other events around Smash, Sophie, sister of Clarkey, has apparently left Smash indefinitely and left to the sweet serenadic words of:
“i get made fun of for being a girl and for being young. its out of order. you are all immature pricks with no sense of humur. Dickheads”
Hef: Now hold on, just a minute. We’re not denying the ‘dickheads’ part or lack of sense of humor here at MTNN, but we do not make fun of people for being young! We make fun of people for being old (*Cough* EdgeRulez */Cough*), I repeat not for being young. We also may complain how today’s youth sucks, which is not really persay “making fun” of them. Just like to clear the record.
Hef: Moving on, this week speculation of Smashwrestling.com evolving into something of a more generalized website and moving away fully from the wrestling aspect was in full force in the “Feedback section.” Rumors were abound, but Inno only clarified a few points and further muddled the waters with his response. Now all of Smash is in wonderment what will happen to Smash? Only time and being a member of the Staff Forum will tell.
In Private Lounge news, Penguin of Doom missed the Smash Mystery with Big Dave’s disappearance hitting a plot twister of a sudden reappearance by Big Dave. He then disappeared again after being last seen at the pub with Penguin of Doom. Penguin of Doom has vowed to restart his entertaining investigation to find who is responsible for Big Dave’s re-disappearance. Big Dave was unavailable for comment.
In the news about the main site of Smash, the guru section has been officially closed. After thousands upon thousands of questions, the guru section has been closed due to the crude antics of one individual. This sad individual spent much time creating 700 individualized questions to the gurus. If that doesn’t shout “Loser virgin,” I don’t know what does.
Hef: And we finish up this report with a few quickies:
- Hector_Nicols_Accordian tells off rabid spitting fiends
- The Console/Computer/Technology Zone took off with 10 new threads this week
- Show Stealer hits 3,333 posts
- The highest Smash member in Stablewars: Season 16 was Banzai in 3rd place.
- Inno is the reigning Psychic Jeopardy Champion
And the threads most prominent in each section this week…
- General Chat
“The Return of The Return Of… What Have you Had to Eat!”
Started by SeeDub
- Sport
“Fantasy Baseball--Signs ups are now being accepted—“
Started by MysterioKozuna
- Multimedia Zone
“The Cinema”
Started by Shane McMahon
- Console, Computer, and Technology Zone
“Street Fighter II: Who Was Your Pick”
Started by Shane McMahon
- Current Events/Political Zone
“Glasgow Nurseries To Strike Indefinitely from Monday”
Started by Inno
- Music Zone
“Top Five DUMBEST Band Names”
Started by LG Hooker
- Net Crap
“If you hate penguins and love that other penguin games...”
Started by Ultimo LJ
- Funny Pics/Jokes Zone
“The Rainbow Porno Show???”
Started by Groovico
- E-Fed and Forums Zone
“The Weakest Link”
Started by Kurt Angle
- The Smash Asylum
“What is your Messenger Name?”
Started by The Great Deku Tree
And finally…
HAPPY Belated BIRTHDAY TO THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE!
Shane McMahon – 2/23
Mr. Torrie Wilson – 2/25
Rock Bottom – 2/25
Happy Birthday to…
Drummk – 3/1
Mtank: Thank you Hef. And indeed Happy (Belated) Birthday to those four individuals. Don’t get too drunk… No seriously, don’t. Moving on, we continue our ‘Pingu’ discussion with Penguin of Doom. Penguin?
Penguin of Doom: Mtank, honestly, has Smash gone to hell? Really. First off, we get this bulls!@$ new game that goes beyond crude, immature, and just damn wrong. This is violence against Penguins and I assure you, it will not stand.
Mtank: Speaking of those games, let’s take a look at our “Pingu Games Poll” from last week…
“Which ‘Smack the Pingu’ Version Did you Like Best?”
21 People voted last week
Six people (28%) voted they enjoyed the original “Smack the Pingu” version
Six people (28%) voted they enjoyed the new “Smack the Pingu” with the orca whale
Five People (23%) voted that smacking penguins is wrong
Four People (19%) voted that they had yet to play any of the “Smash the Pingu” games yet
Finally no one voted for the “Rocket Up The Arse – Smack the Pingu” version
Penguin of Doom: You know Mtank, I feel great pride that I am not the only one who stands against this penguin-hatred on this forum. I say bravo to the other four people who stand proud with me. But you other penguin-hater muthaf#%@ers YOU ARE EVIL AND CONDEMED TO HELL!
Mtank: Uhm, your sort’ve freaking out there Penguin.
Penguin of Doom: I AM NOT FREAKING OUT!!! YOU WANT TO SEE ME FREAK OUT? ALRIGHT HERE IS THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!! AFTER THIS YOU TELL ME IF YOU CAN REALLY REMAIN A DECENT HUMAN BEING!!! AFTER THIS YOUR EARS WILL BLEED, YOU WILL BECOME ONE WITH THE EARTH AND YOU WILL BE DAMNED!
Mtank: *ahem* Alright just calm down. Roll the clip, please.
Pingu Prance (Note: Will open your media player, it is an actual sound clip)
Mtank: Dear God… my ears… (Keels over)
Penguin of Doom: I told you! I told you! David Hasslehoff singing the “Pingu Prance” IS JUST WRONG! WRONG!!! NOW YOU KNOW THE DAMNATION THAT IT WROUGHTS ON ALL OF US!!! I IMPLORE YOU ALL TO LISTEN, NOT FOR PAIN, BUT TO SEE HOW FAR AND HOW WRONG THIS PENGUIN-HATE HAS TAKEN US!
Edgefan25: Well, in actuality POD, I think it would make people hate Penguins even more.
Penguin of Doom: Wha? Where’d you come from?
Edgefan25: Well, Mtank did just die… again. And I also have a ‘25’ in my name so it’s only natural for me to take over.
Penguin Of Doom: Oh…
Edgefan25: And for the poll of the week, we ask you the viewers/listeners, what were your impressions of David Hasslehoff’s “Pingu Prance?” Also if you’re really weird you can right click and save the song. It’s mp3 format. Thank you for your time. POD.
Penguin of Doom: A pleasure indeed, oh and if anyone wants to rally with me against the Penguin haters we will be marching on the…
Edgefan25: Fascinating stuff POD. Moving along, hm… Well we have a video-tape here labeled “What If…” so I suppose this is the continuation of last week’s special. And so, according to the label, please enjoy this special feature of “What if Mtank became an administrator?”
Inno: And so now, with the power invested in me, Mtank, I declare you the lead administrator for Smash Forums!
Mtank: Ahem, thank you, thank you. The reign of Inno is over!
Denizens of Smash: Yay!
Mtank: Thus begins the reign of Mtank!
Denizens of Smash: Boo! … Ah!
EdgeRulez: The members of Smash... are on fire?
Mtank: I had flamethrowers installed.
EdgeRulez: Oh. Uh… is that really smart?
Mtank: *ahem*
Doug Flair: Hey where’d EdgeRulez go?
Mtank: *ahem*
Rooq: Uh… You are a good leader, Mtank.
Mtank: That’s it? Just good? *ahem*
Mtank: Now citizens of Smash, my first decreed is to remove the Strike System!
Denizens of Smash: Yay!
Mtank: And I introduce the new system, the S.T.R.I.K.E. system or Standard Treatment of Rebelling Incendiaries by Keeling Em’. Paid for by the Federal Acronym Registration Team. (IMDeadsexy: Double-standarderizing bastard!)
Denizens of Smash: Huh?
Mtank: And that’s the announcement for today.
(Later…)
Mtank: Only 451 words? SPAM! Your banned!
Rock Bottom: Bu… bu… I included pictures I drew and graphs I made up!
Mtank: Right, SPAMMER, go home and draw pictures on your own time.
Rock Bottom: But I am home.
Mtank: (Thinks of a un-Simpsons related answer) Good, stay there… D’oh!
The_Real_JK: Can’t write… anymore… must… sign… off.
Mtank: That’s it? 3 posts today? That’s pathetic! How is Smash going to grow with such small posting amount?
The_Real_JK: But… they’ll all… 1,000+ words!
Mtank: Bad excuse! Banned! Oh and what do we have here? Links going to other forums, eh?
Shane McMahon: What? These are links to the great things from the beloved era of the 80s!
Mtank: Ah, I see. And you know what they had in the 80s? SPAM! Banned! Hey? And what’s this? Someone posting in the Staff Forum?
Groovico: Oh hello Mtank, how is the new job treating you?
Mtank: Unsolicited posting in the Staff Forum! Goodbye, Banned!
(Later)
Mtank: Ah… now we are a spam-free forum. Beautiful… Damn cricket, shurrup! Your banned! *Smack* Owwww! My banning hand!
Edgefan25: Typically pointless men… except for Van Wilder… aw… he’s such a great guy.
RVDSucka: Did I hear the words, “Great Guy?”
Edgefan25: Security!
RVDSucka: It was worth just seeing your angelic face again, my love! (Dragged off)
Edgefan25: *ahem* Moving along, we have the always popular feature of the “Top Ten Quotes of the Week.” Enjoy!
Top Ten Quotes of the Week
10) ” Mtank, never knew he was a tad fruity but at least hes 'in fashion'. www.wholeteam.com/mtank.jpg
- Clarkey
9) ”Actually thefonz, I am romantically linked with 6 teachers at the school (well, that is the rumours the kids are putting around). Sadly though I haven't even ever spoken to one of them and even more sadly, only 4 of the 6 people are women!! The other 2 being guys, oh well!”
- Hector_Nicols_Accordian
- TheFonz
7) ” Like multiple subscriptions to MarthaStewart.com! The horror and disgustion on their face would be priceless!”
- Mtank325
6) ”What do you mean? I never drink.”
- Doug Flair
5)“HHH: Do you-uh post-uh on SmashTalk-uh as Brad-uh-shaw-uh-101?
Me: Yeah. Why?
*HHH boots me in the stomach and gives me the Pedigree*
HHH: You stupid-uh kid! Stop-uh dissing me on your parent's computer!”
- Bradshaw101
4)"Nice tits, wanna fuck?"
Two and a half years later, we're getting married.”
- LG Hooker
3)
RVDSucka: “Well it's about time someone told the poor kid! Sorry Raven Van Knoxville! But you're gonna have to step aside junior! It's time for me to show my laydee....*looks down*....my MVP trophy :wink:”
Van Wilder: “u have to look down? pfffff my trophy reaches eye level 8)”
Edgefan25: “:roll:”
2) 
- Banzai
1) ” Somebody just edited my post.
Somebody is gonna pay.
*destroy and main mode activated”
- Groovico
Edgefan25: And congratulations to Groovico for the quote of the week. Well folks, that’s the show for tonight, good night everyone.
Credits
MTNN Writer: Mtank325
MTNN News Anchorwoman: Edgefan25
MTNN “Weekly Happenings”: Hef
Pingu Praiser: Penguin of Doom
Trespasser: RVDSucka
©2004 MtNN Studios
(Yes this is fake)
Nobody read this yet! I have to check for spelling mistakes and change some font stuff.
